Last year I had the opportunity to explore forgiveness in my life. I did not realize at the time, but I was really struggling with this one. It was big, huge, ruining my days. I decided I had to start with myself. I had to forgive myself for not being "perfect". Then I remembered hearing in church all the time, about how we are not made perfect. We are born with stains on our soul, and the sacrament of Baptism washes that away. The Lord forgives us of natural sin, and Jesus died for us! Why can't I forgive myself? Because I am subborn. I had become ambivilent to change. I love change. I feel it is necessary like honey to a bee. Why was I so ambivilent? I must be angry; I must be unhappy. How could this be? It was starring me in the face! I was ashamed of this, humbled and desirous of forgiveness.
Being that it was Christmas, a time of birth, renewal and rejoicing. I chose to unlock a part of my heart and see myself as a person needing to forgive myself and push through the pain, sorrow whatever it was that was holding me back before. Having received a prompting from my daughter, I took action, and reunited with my friend. We talked for a long time and realized we were both hurt, but somehow we wouldn't do that to each other anymore. We were going to forgive! From that moment on, I knew I was on the right road.
I am greatful for the struggles that happen in my life. I really don't want them, but when I analyze it and reflect, I realize they were there to make me grow. <3